The case for discretion, the case for disclosure, and the middle path

Nearly half of women managers and executives conceal their menopause symptoms at the office, and a third have thought about quitting because of them, according to WebMD Health Services. Those figures describe one kind of woman: someone juggling a real medical experience alongside her professional standing, with nothing to guide her through either. Whether to bring it up at all has nothing to do with how good a person you are. It is a question of strategy, and what makes sense depends on where you sit in your organization. The ten statements below help you figure out where you stand.

Self-check

Reply yes or no to each statement, then count the yeses.

1. Since my symptoms began, the way I carry myself at work has shifted enough that someone who sits beside me daily would notice.

2. Across the last three months, have you canceled, cut short or moved something important because a symptom got in the way?

3. Where my manager is concerned, I have seen consistent discretion when handling staff members' private details.

4. A senior woman in our Greensboro office has spoken candidly about menopause, caring for family or her own health, and nothing bad followed for her.

5. There is a documented menopause, health or flexible-working policy at my employer that I could show someone.

6. Nothing in the coming half year puts me up for a performance review, a promotion or a reorganization.

7. I can name a specific accommodation, such as a cooler office, a flexible start or a camera-off option, rather than hoping in general for understanding.

8. I am confident the colleague I would turn to would keep what I tell them from circulating among people I am not present for.

9. The effort I spend hiding symptoms outweighs the effort it would take to explain them once.

Point 10. If pressed, I could explain my circumstances in two plain sentences and feel no need to apologize for them.

Items 1, 2, 7, 9 and 10 show the price you are paying for keeping quiet. Items 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8 show how secure you would be if you chose to speak up. A well-reasoned choice depends on weighing both of these pictures together.

Score

Zero to three: Keeping things to yourself is working for you. Hiding is cheap for you right now, or the ground is not yet safe, or both. There is no shame in holding back a health matter while you wait for circumstances to improve.

Four to six: A balanced approach fits you. The hiding is beginning to cost you, and you have at least one safe person. Most senior women in the Triad sit in this band, and it is where you have the most room to maneuver.

A score of seven to ten suggests that speaking up will cost you less than staying silent. You are paying more to conceal than you would pay to explain, and you have the conditions to do it well.

Where to go from here

At a score of zero to three, ask for what you need and leave the diagnosis out of it. In Greensboro and across the Triad, a request for a cooler room or a nine-thirty start on Tuesdays can be made without any medical story, and most supervisors will simply agree.

At four to six, choose one person to tell on purpose, and pair the disclosure with a specific request. "I'm managing some menopause symptoms. Try something like: "It's being managed, and camera-off for early calls would help me." That is two sentences and one request, offered without apology, giving them a concrete step to take.

At seven to ten, present it as you would any operational detail and then carry on with the work. Whatever approach you model will be the one your colleagues copy. If your workplace in Jamestown, Summerfield or Kernersville lacks a formal policy, speaking up may be the very thing that leads to one being written.

Which option fits you best? Bring your score to your Triad chapter group and notice how many women in the Greensboro, High Point and Kernersville area find they are in the same position.